


Tendency to go Nuclear

by makingitwork



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Closure, Death, Grief, Love, M/M, Tears, reactions, somewhat happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1678406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makingitwork/pseuds/makingitwork
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tendency to go Nuclear

**Author's Note:**

> There's happiness in this :)

"Physics Magic? Reid, we talked about this."

"Sorry Sir."

"...you know, you're getting some distance on those things."

 

Hotch can't help the tears that string behind his eyelids. And he can't help think that he shouldn't be crying. He's seen worse. He's seen much, much worse. And dying to save a strangers life...it doesn't get more heroic than that. He saved a young woman, now she can look after her daughter. So her husband can smile. Reid did that. Hotch has seen way worse. He shouldn't be crying. He's seen his wife die in his arms, he's seen people get tortured, deaths far more gruesome and painful than a bullet to the heart. That was quick. It was painless, but it doesn't make him feel any better.

As he relents, and he lets the tears fall, he grips the 'rocket' that Reid had fired tightly in his hand. God, when was this from? 8 years ago. And he had found it tucked away in Reid's draw. 

He realises he would do anything to get Reid back. The bravest, and strongest of them all. He wishes he had spent more time with him. He remembers Spencer hugging him, and it makes his fingers curls more tightly around the rocket as he struggles for breath. He wishes he'd held him for longer. Wishes he hadn't been so strict. So stern. 

He wishes he had let Reid do as much magic as he liked.

...  
...  
...

"Spence...I couldn't tell you."

"Couldn't, or wouldn't?"

"Couldn't! And you know what I think it is? I think you're angry that you couldn't detect Hotch's and my micro expressions at the hospital." 

"You think this is about my profiling skills?! JJ, the only reason you could manage my perception was because I trusted you!"

 

JJ is only capable of remembering the bad times when she sits in front of the gravestone, with Henry in her lap. She can only remember breaking Spence's trust. She can only remember telling him he would never understand what it was like because he didn't have kids. She'd never dreamt he would never have them. She always thought he would. She thought he might have a little girl, and Henry would marry a genius. She remembers it being her fault that Tobias got him. Her fault he had a drug addiction. She remembers every bad time. 

But then a burst of light breaks through the clouds, and Henry laughs in delight. And JJ remembers asking Spence to be Henry's godfather. She remembers his smile as he held a baby. She remembers the way he freaked out when he felt Henry kick for the first time. She remembers his laugh. 

She remembers that he would never forget every good moment they shared. And he would ignore the bad moments. Because she remembers he was Spencer Reid. And that's what he did. 

That's what he does. 

She remembers that much at least.

...  
...  
...

"What? No witty Garcia greeting for me?"

"Aw baby, Garcia can't be her normally sparkly self when you are where you are."

"Will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"I need to record a message for my mom...just in case."

"Aw Reid. You're gonna be fine."

"I know. Just...in case."

She had feared for Reid's life whenever something had gone even slightly awry. When he'd inhaled anthrax, she had feared. When he was abducted by Tobias she almost had a panic attack. When Maeve died, she couldn't work, because she just cried for him day in and day out. When he got shot in the leg, she baked him unholy amounts of cupcakes. She kissed his forehead as often as he would let her. She ruffled his hair whenever he would let her. She bought him a Doctor Who figurine whenever she saw one in the shops. He was her favourite genius. 

She feared for his life whenever he showed up late for work. Whenever he acted snappy. Whenever he didn't smile at her ridiculous entry. She feared. All the time. For all of them, but for Reid, her boy wonder, especially.

But she would rather fear for his life everyday, then have him gone forever. 

...  
...  
...

"Where'd you find this kid?"

"He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI."

Rossi regrets not having spoken to the kid more. He was full of life, he was energetic, the youngest and though the shyest, with the people he loved, like the team, he could talk for hours on everything. Rossi regrets snapping at him whenever he quoted an entire book or insane equation. He regrets not answering the questions the kid had about his books. He regrets never congratulating him directly on anything. He regrets not showing him enough care. He regrets ignoring most of the statistics he prattled on about.

He knocks back the whiskey as he sits in the dark. He regrets it.

Rossi regrets shutting him up, because now, the kid can't talk at all. 

...  
...  
...

"Thank you,"

"For what?"

"Being you."

"Well...thanks. I don't really know how to be anyone else."

"...yeah, Reid."

Emily doesn't understand why Spencer left her his book of quantum theories of the universe. Of course, they're amazing. The most amazing thing in the whole world, and he might have come up with the answer to the universe. It's fascinating, and she studies it from cover to cover, clutching it close. But she doesn't understand why this was especially named to her in his will. She doesn't understand. So she goes through each page, going through each formula, trying to understand. 

When eventually, she sees it. 

On the second to last page, there's an arrow that doesn't fit the equation, that appears to be going to nowhere compared to the other arrows, She sees it points to the spine of the book, and she gives a harsh experimental tug in an awkward direction, and a long slip of paper comes out. She picks it up with shaking, nail chewed fingers, and reads. 

"Emily Prentiss, the only other person in the world I know that appreciates Russian theatre like me, you couldn't have stopped whatever happened. So stopped worrying. Instead, why not ponder the theories of the universe? They can be very distracting. I've often found myself thinking about the formula for the CMB radiation, don't publish these. They're for you. Besides, some other brilliant man will come up with them too eventually, wouldn't want the human race to expand too quickly, right? 

You couldn't have stopped this. I love you. No one else got a note but you, because you'll take it the hardest. But if you can understand, even one of these formulas, you can understand this."

She understands the one on the third page a few hours later, and she understands.

...  
...  
...

"What's he doing?!?!"

"He's blocking our shot."

-

"Nice hair cut, pretty boy,"

"Thanks."

-

"I know this is a scary age for you."

"I can't work. I'm can't think-"

"Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm here."

-

"What makes you feel confident?"

"Uh...statistics."

"No."

-

"You only read 5 books last week? Reid, I didn't even open a book last week."

"That makes me feel better."

"Great, Nerd."

"Now you're just jealous."

-

"Move in with me."

"Okay."

"Okay? Not gonna be ecstatic, jump for joy? Not even a kiss?"

"I'm a profiler, Derek. I saw you pacing outside for 10 minutes, I was wondering when you'd hurry the hell up and ask me. But I'll kiss you,"

"You're a saint."

"I know."

-

"Let's get married."

"Okay."

"Okay? Not gonna be ecstatic, jump for joy? Not even a kiss?"

"Very funny, pretty boy, now get over here so I can fuck you into next year,"

"I'd like to see you try considering that due to the time me-"

"..."

"You were saying?"

"I was saying, yes please, fuck me into the distant future."

 

Derek stares at the book on the coffee table. Spencer had been reading it that morning, that morning a month ago. He never finished it. 

Morgan's been afraid to touch it. But he picks it up, marks where Spencer read up too. And he too, reads the book up to that point. He doesn't go any further, even though he's tempted. He still makes two plates for dinner. He still puts science documentaries on for him, even though he's not there. Keeps his clothes in his wardrobe, and some days he sits there going through each pair of tight jeans, every tie and every waistcoat and sweater vest. He goes through them and tries to remember the exact moment he saw Spencer wearing them. 

He can. It takes time, but he does it. He remembers.

He picks up his headphones, and listens to the stupid recording his love made when they were having that prank war "Never wage war against an MI graduate because we do have the tendency to go nuclear. Now sit back, relax and listen to the dulcet sounds of me, screaming your ear." Spencer's laughter is the only thing that helps him sleep at night. 

Tendency to go nuclear?

Fuck that. The kid always went nuclear, he'd affected all of them, like an explosion he'd landed in their lives and like some type of good radiation he'd sunk deep into each of their hearts. It wasn't his fault that Derek had been standing right beside the bomb, so he'd absorbed the most. 

It wasn't his fault that the explosion of science and lame jokes and skinny ties, and ever changing hair had finally ended.

Tendency to go nuclear.

Morgan doesn't fall in love again, but how could he? He never fell out of it in the first place. He buys another dog after Clooney passes, names him 'Nuclear' and he thinks maybe Spencer would have liked him too. 

"This is Doctor Spencer Reid."

"Doctor? What are you kid, some kind of genius?"

"He's smarter than Einstein." 

"Wow. That's kinda cool."

"No one's ever called me cool before..."

"Derek Morgan, come on kid, I'll show you the ropes. Stick with me, you'll never go wrong."

"Why do I have the feeling that I've just walked into something I can never get out off?"

"Because you're a good profiler, pretty boy."

"Is this gonna be good?"

"The best."

 

And it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it?  
> x


End file.
